I wear glasses. I didn’t used to. But a year ago something happened that pretty much sealed my fate. I turned 40. Apparently we were created to die at 40 because that’s the age when our wheels start to come off. First the soreness getting out of bed. Next the constant desire to nap between 10am and 3pm. And now this. Glasses. It’s like our bodies are screaming at us, “Hey YOU! Ya, you in the glasses. You should have kicked the bucket by now! Why do you insist upon waking up each morning??” Well, we do. And honestly, when was the last time you listened to your body anyway? But back to the glasses. I have a plan. I’m now working out my eye muscles so in one year from right now, I will be glasses free. Honestly, I think it’s possible. An optometrist once told me to hold up my finger in front of my face, focus on the tip of my finger, then focus on something about 30 feet away, and back to the tip of my finger. Repeat 30 times. So last Monday, I started doing that in my car while sitting at red lights. Up goes my finger, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth go my eyes until the light turns green. I get to rest until the next red light. By Tuesday, I remembered my gynecologist suggesting I start doing kegel exercises. This is to prevent incontinence which is rampant in women IN THEIR 40′S! In fact, I’m one of the few people I know who can still do jumping jacks squirt free. OK, trampolines are out of the question. But jumping jacks are still good. But really, what’s next to go? A good hearty laugh? I’m not willing to lose that ability to LOL and remain dry. So I decided to add kegels to my red light workout routine. I now pull up to a red light, and the workout begins. My finger goes up, my eyes start doing 30 yard sprints and now I squeeze my kegels and hold until the light turns green. I once read in a book you know when you’ve engaged your kegels when you just feel weird. The book is totally spot on! You start to clench those muscles down there and then you feel… well… weird. I can’t put it any better. So there I am, at the 6 red lights between my house and work, working out my eyes and my VaVa. By the time I get to work I’m exhausted!  It truly feels like a full body workout.  My next great idea is to quit my gym.  Seriously, who needs a gym when you have your car.


When Darrin and I married 13 years ago…


we promised to grow old together.


Since when did “growing old” start at age 41??? Don’t people know 40 is the new 20?  Allow me to explain. We recently went to the optometrist for our annual eye exam. That’s your first clue we are becoming geezer.  We went to the doctor together! My grandparents didn’t start doing that until they were 80. And only then because one of them could no longer drive.  But there we were, Pearl and Earl, driving to the eye doctor.

My eye exam went fine. I rested my chin on that thin little bar and said “first, second, horizontal, horizontal, diagonal, yes the red dot is on the house, the last line says k-b-z-o-n-w” … you know the drill. The doctor then typed away at her computer and just like at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, the printer produced a golden ticket that read, “Congratulations! You need reading glasses!!” I was less than thrilled. So the kind doctor walked me out to the room with glasses lining every inch of all four walls and who should be sitting there trying on spectacles? Darrin!!!!!!!! “What are you doing in here?” “I need glasses for when I drive at night. What are YOU doing here?” he smirked. “According to my golden ticket I need reading glasses.” I was so convinced I didn’t really need them, I grabbed the first pair off the wall and bought them.


Well, here we are.


I tried reading my book and dammit! The glasses helped! I should have taken more time picking out my new specs!


Darrin is pretty happy with his new set of eyes as well. So, hate to tell all of my 40-year-old friends, but…


The shit hits the fan in this decade apparently. What happens at 50? Walkers with tennis balls??









20130620-172942.jpgI am that lame. Yes, I am that girl who sits at home watching infomercials… and actually buys the stuff. Especially when it comes to “It will make you look 120 years younger” facial products. Example? I bought Meaningful Beauty by Cindy Crawford. I used it for about 6 months before admitting to myself, “I bet Cindy doesn’t even use this stuff!” So I dropped my subscription (oh yes! every three months they would send me more!) and went back to my plain old tub of Cetephil. I use Cetephil because several dermatologists have recommended it to me. But it’s just not sexy enough. It’s too cheap. It can’t be that good!







So imagine my excitement when my friend, Sarah Sommers, said she was selling Rodan and Fields ( www.ssommers.myrandf.com) and wanted me to try it. It’s the same company that developed Proactiv® Solution.  And if that’s good enough for Jessica Simpson it’s certainly good enough for me!  So here I go again. Switching up my facial regimen and trying something new. I’m so excited!  I’ll let you know what I think in a few weeks.  But between now and then, if you see a 22 year old anchoring the news, it’s just me!




20121113-213218.jpg“NOOOOOOOOOOO” I screamed into the mirror this morning!!!! “This really isn’t happening!!!!!” But a second look confirmed it… I was going grey. But not like you might think. I mean I might have a few grey hairs on my head, but who would know. Those babies get colored every four weeks. Honestly, I haven’t seen my real hair color since 7th grade. I might be totally streaked with grey but I will never know… NEVER! No the hair I’m talking about IS ON MY CHIN! Let me explain. About 4 years ago, I noticed a black hair coming out of the left side of my chin. Really?? I thought to myself back then. But what are you going to do? You’re going to pluck, that’s what! So I’ve diligently kept my eye on that little sucker since then. Although sometimes, I would catch myself feeling it with my finger when it got long enough to be pokey. I would rub my chin as if I was a Harvard professor saying to my class, “Ah yes, Einstein did in fact give us two theories of relativity; special and general. And yes, it’s true, he married his cousin.” So this morning, I was once again checking for my hair and it was weird because I could feel it, but I couldn’t see it. So I leaned closer into the mirror and a quick shimmer caught my eye. Leaning even further I focused in on what was catching the light…and it was my hair… only it wasn’t black… IT WAS GREY!!!!! “NOOOOOOOO” I screamed into the mirror. “This really isn’t happening. I can’t be going grey on my chin hair!!” But it was true. As grey as grey can be, you might even describe it as silver. I could not pluck that baby out fast enough. AAAAHHHhhhhhhh life. Ya know! In your 20′s you have a little black dress. In your 30′s you have a little black hair. And in your 40′s you have a little grey hair. Oh my God, I’m going to be a blue hair before I know it!