I live in a zoo.  I guess ranch is more accurate, but it feels like a zoo.  Like a crazy zoo.  Like I’m the zoo keeper of a family of orangutans.  I can’t get control.  And it gets worse every year.  Allow me to explain.  We have a dog… who sneezed right as I snapped this picture.











two cats… we inherited from my mom.


a hamster… that was an 9 year old little girl’s birthday present.












thousands of cows… which constantly need to be fed.  Literally, they eat before we do.












Two 4-H pigs named Jerry and Henry.


and now this.


5 kittens and a mamma cat… that are incredibly difficult to take pictures of.


See, my over-achieving daughter decided she wanted to foster kittens from the Nevada Humane Society.  She went to her first introduction get-together and while she was there, I was busily preparing for the 6:30 newscast. I got a call at about 6:22.  Here’s how the conversation went.  “Mom, they have 6 cats I can bring home tonight.”  “What?  I’m reading scripts and putting on mascara and trying to talk to you.  You said they have hats for you?” “No cats.” “Well ok, fine, I’m sure we can find people to hand out these hats to.  Bring them home.  No problem.”  “Um, ok mom, I’m doing it.  I’m bring home the cats.”  “Ya ya, sure, ok sweetie, love you, my mascara is going all over my face because I’m holding the phone with my cheek.  Love you see you tonight.”

DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!  Not one hat did she bring home!  But instead 6 CATS!  So our zoo now has 5 two week old kittens and their mamma.  We are fostering them until they weigh 2 pounds.  Ok, these babies weigh 12 OUNCES!  We will have them for weeks!  This is a perfect lesson for me to stop multi-tasking.  Next thing I know, Eva will be calling me asking for the “keys” and I’ll say “no problem” thinking she wants “peas” for dinner!








I’m going to take you into my bedroom last night.  Hey!  Watch your dirty mind!  Ok, last night I got home from a friend’s awesome birthday party and crashed into bed around 10:45.  That’s late for me.  And really late for a Wednesday night.  Anyway, I’m falling down that blissful black hole toward REM when suddenly my husband says, “Hey, you have to watch this.”  “No, I’m sleeping.  My arm just twitched which means I actually am asleep.  So I’m sleep talking right now.”  “No, seriously, Wendy.  You have to watch this.”  Here’s something you may not know about my husband.  When he gets something in his head, there’s no stopping him.  After 13 years of marriage, I now know this.  So I begrudgingly rolled over and stared into his way-too-bright iPad.  I started watching an old episode of Family Feud.  By the time the video was over, I was laughing so hard I was crying.  My pillow was soaked with laughing tears.  This is so funny I had to share it with you.  Of course, I couldn’t get back to sleep until after 1am so I suggest watching this with your morning coffee.  It will be a great way to start your day!  Enjoy!



When I finally find the time… I’m going to put something like this together from our ranch.  But for now, enjoy this from the Peterson Farm Bros.  SUPER FUNNY!



20131127-165620.jpgI bought a tennis skirt this weekend. That’s weird because I don’t play tennis. Yes, I’m a member of a tennis club but that’s just so my kids can swim on the swim team… not play tennis. It’s like when you go to a Mexican restaurant and the bartender throws in an extra shot of tequila into your margarita. You’re glad it’s there. But it’s not the reason you went to that restaurant. That’s tennis to my family.

So there I was at Kohl’s in the 80% off section… which I’m a sucker for… checking out the clothes that are all crammed together so tightly it’s tough to tell what’s in there. I grabbed what I thought was a running skirt. When it finally came free from it’s 80%-off-rack prison, I realized it was a tennis skirt. It was just a simple black skirt with two knee-length black tights attached to it. Perfect for cool weather tennis… if you played tennis… which I don’t. But then I started to rationalize it. Maybe someone will ask me to play tennis. And if they did, I’d be able to play because I’d have a new snazzy tennis skirt. To be totally honest, I’ve been at this club for more than a year and no one has ever asked me to play tennis. So the chance of that happening is like a bartender giving you TWO extra shots of tequila. But the skirt was only $7.80. How could I not buy it?? Yes, it’s worth two lattes which I would actually use. But still, it’s always better to be prepared for any invitation you might get, even if the invitation is as likely as getting drunk for free at a Mexican restaurant, unless the Mexican restaurant happens to be IN Mexico in which case it’s pretty likely. AAAAHHHHH, are you starting to see how my brain works?? I have these types of conversations all the time! And this one is over spending seven dollars and eighty cents! Imagine the back and forth in my head over buying a new car!! Which I haven’t done in more than 13 years and now you know why! My brain is still arguing the pros and cons with itself over that one! But last weekend, I finally threw caution to the wind and bought the damn skirt! And now there it sits. In my closet. Untouched. Which it will likely stay for the next 15 years… because I don’t play tennis.

I hope this brought a smile to your face on this Thanksgiving Day!  I’m thankful for all of you who read my blog, support me in my desire to be a true blogger and for those of you who nudge me when I stop blogging!  All your comments and support keep me going and for that I’m truly Thankful!  Have a beautiful day!




I was “that mom” this past weekend.  “That mom” who walked sheepishly up to the local haunted house with her elementary school age children in tow. No, I probably shouldn’t be taking them to a haunted house called Frightmare for at least a couple more years. But truth be told, I’ve waited long enough! I love haunted houses. They scare the crap out of me and IT’S GREAT! I’ve been dying for the kids to be old enough to go with me.  Well, I might have jumped that gun just a tad this year. Eva is 10.  Come on! 10!! Domi is 8. Make that 8 and a half! 8 and a half!! My God, how old do they  have to be now-a-days to scare the crap out of your kids??  Back when I was a kid, my Mom took us to the Walnut Creek haunted house starting at 5 and 7. Of course she’s the same woman who took me to see Jaws IN THE MOVIE THEATRE at age 3. Now that’s crazy. My parents didn’t have a child rated filter… for anything. We went everywhere with them. “Hey Honey, I want to go see Jaws tonight.” “Great idea! Throw the kids in the back of the Pinto and let’s go!” So that’s why I had no problem bringing my kids to Frightmare. Yes, I did take note they were the youngest kids there. And yes, I should have heeded the warning when a teenage girl right in front of us got out of line and left. But I really wanted to go! There, I said it. I was the one who wanted to go. Not my kids. I was the driving force behind this Saturday night activity. And I couldn’t wait!! At Frightmare, there are 4 houses you go through. We went into the Black Hole first. It was a mind tripping experience. You walked a plank while the room spins around you. We all wanted to throw up afterward.  Next up… Zombie Farm. Now it gets real people. Real creepy! We entered a run down shanty and all hell broke loose. Zombies popped out from behind doors. A bloody girl zombie with extra long zombie arms played the piano… until she got up and chased after us. Something horrible and bloody happened in the bathroom and every zombie in there went after us. At one point, I lost Eva because she just flat-out started running.  I couldn’t run after her because Domi was now clinging to my leg. And honestly, I was scared to death! Frightmare is a total understatement. This is living hell on Elm Street on Friday the 13th with Jason and Jaws coming after you.  And what’s worse, this house was huge!  We kept turning corner after corner and entering worse and worse torture chambers.  It just wouldn’t end.  Finally, Eva darted left, hit a black curtain and Praise Jesus, we were back in the parking lot.  As we stumbled to safety, I murmured, “I nearly peed my pants.” Domi replied, “Nearly??? I did pee my pants.”  Needless to say, we skipped the last two houses. Frightmare, you killed it this Halloween season!  Nice job!




I wear glasses. I didn’t used to. But a year ago something happened that pretty much sealed my fate. I turned 40. Apparently we were created to die at 40 because that’s the age when our wheels start to come off. First the soreness getting out of bed. Next the constant desire to nap between 10am and 3pm. And now this. Glasses. It’s like our bodies are screaming at us, “Hey YOU! Ya, you in the glasses. You should have kicked the bucket by now! Why do you insist upon waking up each morning??” Well, we do. And honestly, when was the last time you listened to your body anyway? But back to the glasses. I have a plan. I’m now working out my eye muscles so in one year from right now, I will be glasses free. Honestly, I think it’s possible. An optometrist once told me to hold up my finger in front of my face, focus on the tip of my finger, then focus on something about 30 feet away, and back to the tip of my finger. Repeat 30 times. So last Monday, I started doing that in my car while sitting at red lights. Up goes my finger, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth go my eyes until the light turns green. I get to rest until the next red light. By Tuesday, I remembered my gynecologist suggesting I start doing kegel exercises. This is to prevent incontinence which is rampant in women IN THEIR 40′S! In fact, I’m one of the few people I know who can still do jumping jacks squirt free. OK, trampolines are out of the question. But jumping jacks are still good. But really, what’s next to go? A good hearty laugh? I’m not willing to lose that ability to LOL and remain dry. So I decided to add kegels to my red light workout routine. I now pull up to a red light, and the workout begins. My finger goes up, my eyes start doing 30 yard sprints and now I squeeze my kegels and hold until the light turns green. I once read in a book you know when you’ve engaged your kegels when you just feel weird. The book is totally spot on! You start to clench those muscles down there and then you feel… well… weird. I can’t put it any better. So there I am, at the 6 red lights between my house and work, working out my eyes and my VaVa. By the time I get to work I’m exhausted!  It truly feels like a full body workout.  My next great idea is to quit my gym.  Seriously, who needs a gym when you have your car.


When Darrin and I married 13 years ago…


we promised to grow old together.


Since when did “growing old” start at age 41??? Don’t people know 40 is the new 20?  Allow me to explain. We recently went to the optometrist for our annual eye exam. That’s your first clue we are becoming geezer.  We went to the doctor together! My grandparents didn’t start doing that until they were 80. And only then because one of them could no longer drive.  But there we were, Pearl and Earl, driving to the eye doctor.

My eye exam went fine. I rested my chin on that thin little bar and said “first, second, horizontal, horizontal, diagonal, yes the red dot is on the house, the last line says k-b-z-o-n-w” … you know the drill. The doctor then typed away at her computer and just like at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, the printer produced a golden ticket that read, “Congratulations! You need reading glasses!!” I was less than thrilled. So the kind doctor walked me out to the room with glasses lining every inch of all four walls and who should be sitting there trying on spectacles? Darrin!!!!!!!! “What are you doing in here?” “I need glasses for when I drive at night. What are YOU doing here?” he smirked. “According to my golden ticket I need reading glasses.” I was so convinced I didn’t really need them, I grabbed the first pair off the wall and bought them.


Well, here we are.


I tried reading my book and dammit! The glasses helped! I should have taken more time picking out my new specs!


Darrin is pretty happy with his new set of eyes as well. So, hate to tell all of my 40-year-old friends, but…


The shit hits the fan in this decade apparently. What happens at 50? Walkers with tennis balls??









If you said something like, “I have to go to the grocery store on my way home from work,” to, say, a co-worker… and said co-worker replied with, “Aint nobody got time fo dat!” would you understand what she meant?  Well you will after watching this 2 minute video.  It just may be my favorite 2 minute video of all time.  And while the first 30 seconds are great, make sure you watch the entire thing!  Thanks Jennifer Burton for enlightening me.


I’ve had some interesting grocery shopping in the past week. Sounds pretty boring… but I swear only I could make going to the store a story.


We begin at Petco. I needed to get Donner some better food. A few days ago, Darrin took his quad out to the desert to check his cows and he took Donner with him. She had a great run and was actually exhausted when she got home. Seriously, that means something. My dog is NEVER exhausted. Well, the next day, she couldn’t even get out of bed. She just laid there and looked at my like, “Ah, just take the kids to school.  I’ll just hang back here and lick myself.” So I went to Petco and asked the dog food gal what she recommended for an athletic dog that tends to get sore. She said Blue Wilderness for sure. Perfect. I threw a 24 pound bag in my cart. I also grabbed a $30 scratching post for my cats. As I was checking out, I realized I didn’t ask how much the dog food was but I figured my total bill would be around 50 bucks. So the clerk said, “That will be $93.” “93 DOLLARS???????? I screeched back? How much was that dog food?” “56 dollars, ma’am.” Now, in my head, the conversation continued this way. “What in the hell is in that stuff? Kobe beef? Hand picked organic carrots? Shark fin?????” Instead, out of my mouth came, “OK great, thank you!”

On to the next store. Smith’s grocery store. Now, for those of you who don’t live in Reno and watch me on the nightly news, I will tell you I’m the health reporter for my station. I take it seriously and live a healthy lifestyle to try to set an example. I honestly wear sunglasses and a hat, fake mustache if I could find one, whenever the kids talk me into going to McDonald’s. So imagine my horror when the kids and I were walking around Smiths and Eva eyed Twinkies a few isles down. She literally started running, as if racing in a 40 yard dash, screaming, “Mom…Mooooooom, they have Twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinkies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” OK, let me explain. When Hostess went belly up, I asked the kids if they’d ever had a 20130916-211126.jpgTwinkie. They said no and I lamented that fact they were probably the only America children who would never eat a Twinkie. Well, my kids are NOT ones to be left behind… for anything… even mashing their face with trans fat. So they begged me to buy a box before they vanished forever. However, all the way cooler moms gobbled them up and Ebay was my last resort. Hell no was I buying a Twinkie on Ebay for $32.50! Sorry kids. The Twinkie Fairy died with the rest of the 2009 economy.  Fast forward to this week and the old saying that Twinkies could outlive cockroaches in a nuclear attack proved true! From the ashes of the still recovering economy rose the Twinkie in all of its golden glory. So I bought a damn box. Eva ate two bites and said, “They’re just OK.  Like I really don’t get what all the fuss is about.” And after taking one bite, Domi started wiping his tongue with a paper towel muttering, “Why is my tongue coated with wax?????” After all that, the Twinkies ended up at my work where they were devoured in 3.4 seconds.


Finally, my last shopping snafu was actually online. I was flipping through Facebook and stopped at Julian Bakery. Paleo Bread it boasted! Sign me up! I cook soooo much living this Paleo lifestyle.  And if someone is going to bake me bread, I’m all for it. So I purchased a coconut and almond loaf. I entered my info, clicked make purchase and then the screening lit up saying “Thank you for your $30 purchase!” WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????? 30 DOLLARS FOR 2 LOAVES OF BREAD? HAVE I LOST MY FRIGGIN’ MIND? Apparently I have.


So let’s recap. In one week, I spent $90 and brough home some dog food, a box of Twinkies and two loaves of bread. Lets just keep that between us.





Even the title of this post makes me laugh. And hang on, cause it gets better!

I came home the other night and was immediately told to sit down and shut my eyes. Ok, that makes me a tad nervous but I played along. So Eva, Domi and I sat on the couch with our heads covered with my jacket. Finally Darrin came into the room and said, “Surprise!” Well holy shit, this really was a surprise!! A huge stuffed beaver! It appeared to be swimming past a log.


My San Francisco self screamed, “And What In The Hell Do You Plan on Doing With That Thing?”

“Mounting it on the wall of course,” Darrin said while looking at me like I was from Mars.

Ok, I’m not the alien in this situation. Who the hell has a BEAVER mounted on their WALL???? Apparently I do.

Let me take you back to the summer of 2007. Darrin lined the road into our house with trees. When he planted them they were smaller than our 2 and 3 year old.


Now fastforward to 2012. The trees are more than 25 feet tall. They are gorgeous and the fruit of Darrin’s hard labor.


That is until Darrin noticed all of them were being eaten alive. He assumed a beaver was gnawing on them because a beaver’s front teeth never stop growing so they have to file them down. Our trees were suddenly emory boards.


So father and son went on a beaver hunt (did my San Francisco Self really just say that???).

One night, they took a flashlight and sat on the banks of the ditch that runs through our property and waited. It didn’t take long before a 60 pound mammal came swimming through a culvert and headed right for our trees. With one shot, Darrin and Domi had their beaver. (Note, we tried to trap the beaver several times.  It didn’t work.  This was truly our last resort)

Living on a ranch, Darrin buries animals when they die. So I just figured that’s what he had done with the beaver.  So now fastforward to the other night and imagine my surprise when there, in my family room, was a stuffed beaver.


The kids wanted to name it.


Donner went bananas trying to figure out if she should attack it.


Max figured it was a new friend to rub up on.


Even Cody, who’s rarely a part of my crazy family antics, made an appearance to see what all the commotion was about.


Days later it was mounted on the wall. Now for the rest of our lives, my husband’s beaver will be on display for all to see.   20130822-210933.jpg









 But you know me!  I’ve had a little fun with it as well.  Like when a couple we recently met came over and I grabbed the husband’s hand and asked, “Would you like to see my beaver?”